Sometimes, I just have this feeling that I really want to go back to the outback. But now I am feeling I really want to stay in the metropolitan again. I don't know what I want now. Having headache, not because of this, but a real one.....
So does this behaviour of running away from the metropolitan to somewhere quieter and starry night means I am subconsciously driven to desperation? Am I that desperate to get a job, that I will just go after any jobs that come out offer? I know this come back to the debate saying "Beggars can't be choosers". So I did, I applied for any job that I think I am fit for the company, and any jobs that is offered in regional Victoria or Tassie.
If you are reading it right now, you might be saying this out loud" Blueh, you completed your Honours with a good grade, you have good contacts with the people outside, you have the experiences in that particular field, what more are you asking for?". I guess I should put it in the fish terminology. A fish might has a beautiful fin features, very nice scales, but it tends to sink to the bottom (no good resume), it will only be a small fry in the deep ocean with plenty more fishes. I realised that, and trying to swim up shore now!
Then, it just came to me. Am I also ready to live my life from the metropolitan? No good Asian foods or groceries, not much entertainment and not many gym options, not even a group of friends I can hang out with. I was telling myself it will be alright, cause I have stayed in Churchill before, for two freaking years, and I loved that outback. But what I has come to realise, after my aunt reminded me, that I have always go back to the metropolitan every month, to have my city-life fix. Will I be able to withstand this temptation, and will I die of boredom because I won't be able to go back to the metropolitan so often.
But when it comes to the end, the level of desperation is set by oneself, because the line of normal and desperation is so vague. If he/she thinks that by going with that particular option is up to the highest level of desperation, he/she probably might be. Or otherwise.
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2 comments:
you're a city boy through and through la, I think you can't escape that.
Don't see it as desperation la, see it as a new experience that you can learn and enjoy. Surely you went to gipps thinking the same thing, thinking "Will I survive in the kampung?"..
And like your time in Churchill, you can always somehow get yourself TO the city so surely you'll be able to do it again?
So cheer up Lex, you'll find your job soon, don't be bothered by where it takes you but think about all the new stuff you're going to see~~ sometimes moving out of your comfort zone brings you into a new comfort zone, have faith! =)
Yeah, I just hope I can get to that sooner. I am not a very patience person as you can see, but I will have to practise. If not, I will not be able to survive this phase.
I should look at this phase as a learning ground, and not a phase I will be scared to venture into. I have to remove this fear or dwelling in this ground, so that next time I can handle this better, without fear.
Thanks sookie!
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