The Love Hate Relationship with CK Undies

Disclaimer: This entry will increase any pro-shopaholic urge to purchase thing out of impulse. If any incident happened, this has nothing to do with this author.


Xmas is rather boring occasion for me. This year is mostly dinner with relative on Xmas Eve and watch Christmas TV programs. Xmas itself was beautiful, sunny 25 degree day but no friends wanted to go out with me, they were busy with their Church, so I was left alone......

Anyway, apart from that, there is something I have been looking forward to! Boxing Day Sales!!!!! I have talked about this day since 2 months ago! Just imagine how anticipating I was! I was hoping I'd have started working, so I can go crazy and start buying all the CK undies that I want. Alas, this dream did not come true. Maybe next year then!

So today I woke up at 6am. Yes, you hear me right, 6 am! And step out of the house 1 hour later with my cousin for the shopping extravaganza! Reached the CBD at 7.30am and it was already quite full with people, especially Myers Supermarket which opened at 5am today!

The first place we attacked? Underwear section! Most of the size were depleting, but there are still some nice one. Trying to keep myself spending a fortune over there, so I end up buying only ONE CK underwear....... I wasn't very happy about this....

Anyway, My cousin was having this impulsive purchases cause things were quite cheap over there. And when were at the Basement, he brought more stuffs while I was stuck with oversized short shorts or one size too small short. I was even more pissed......

Until I finished our very quick morning tea (sushi from Sushi Sushi), I walked into this magnificent shop and I found my Short Shorts!!!!!! I love short shorts (more pictures below), and they actually have size!!!!! So I was out with two lovely purchases!

Then followed by a few after that, all in Melbourne Central! So after 6 and half hours of retail therapy we finally gave up. I was kinda broke, but I did not over spent! Which is a Plus!!!! I was planning to spend only $150 for today, looking at the amount of zeros in my bank, and I only spend $140!!!!

Okay, I was busy shopping, didn't have time to sit and take pictures. So these are the pictures I took when I was going home, and when I am at home (after rejuvenated from my slumber nap!)
Levi's outlet store at DFO (Direct Factory Outlets). People acted as if the stuffs in the shops are free. A bloody long queue for Guess shop over there as well..........

My purchases!!!!! I don't know why they are upside down, can't seems to do anything about that. So please don't strain your neck by looking at them. Cause I have them in individual photo!

Can you see me naked from the reflection? This arvo is a bit hot to wear any tees! Got them cause my old one is spoiled on the day itself. Just so lucky to have this for only $10!

My Short shorts!!!!! If they have anything shorter, I will have brought them!!!!!
My two shirts, I can't seems to find anything I want, and by the time I have mood to buy them, I have already reached my limit....
Happy me with my happy purchases!!!!!

I am not doing this

Yes, you hear me right. I am not going to write what stupid new year resolution this year. I don't reckon I had done any most of the year. Cause I know I won't able to keep the promise (to myself). I can keep promises with other people, but not with myself. hehehehe

So I refuse to make any this year. Even though I refuse, everyone knows what I my resolution is about. I know that myself very well too. Just not going to say it out loud here. hahaha.

Then there is this again, where people sum up whatever they did for this one whole year. Some of them did it perfectly well, others were just blah...... I did heaps of stuffs this year, and I mostly forgotten what they were. So this year I am not writing this as well. Hahahahaha.

So basically I don't know what I am going to write about. Maybe I dont know.


*******************

Okay, I was going to disclose something very funny. I stay in western suburb of Melbourne, and I usually take public transport to the city CBD. So a few months ago, there is this GOLDEN "KUAN YING", yes, those who know what it is, I cant believe this either. So it is one of the Goddess in Buddhism and Taoism. I don't know which one, don't ask me. So there is this golden Kuan Ying on one of the park next to the railway.

I always find it interesting to see how people reach when the that golden statue. Curiosity fills their mind, and some were awgh-ing away. Some were so curious that they went look at it with a frowned eye for at least 1 minute. Mind you the train is quite fast, and you don't get to see it for a long time.

So I was there thinking. If it were to be a Huge Silver/Golden Cross. No one will pay attention to that. But because this is something foreign, they were looking with awe and curiosity. So maybe next time when you are on Werribee or Williamstown line, look at your left for the statue and the reaction people have when they see this this. It is sitting between the South Kensington and Footscray station!

Oh Merry Xmas everyone!

Crazy and Sick (days)

Yay, finally something that is not a complain entry or unemployment related. Oh wait, I just said those words out in the first paragraph, first sentence..... Oh well. Yeah, I am so freaking busy last Friday, Saturday and today! I love my weekends!!!!!!

Anyway, I was about to say something about last Friday, but since Ammie had already blogged about that, I will just let you read her entry about our night! So go check her blog out! See Ammie I am promoting your blog. You better give me a good Kris Kringle, if we are doing this thing this year. Anyway, I am still sick. Have to go for the show cause I have already brought the ticket, and that's the place I am dying to go. It is called Aunty Mavis in Stocking Stuffer and Tuckey Plucker. That's a cabaret cum musical stand up comedy, nothing about cha cha dance or lifting skirts. By the way Aunty Mavis is played by a guy, I don't think people will want to see his sack.

I must say his work is very entertaining, singing Tiger Balm in replacing Jingle Bell. Giving audience his/her "meat pie" or should I say share the meat pie, and his/her rummy balls that she brought from Down Low. That's a very good pun, and she is basically giving out rum balls. I think sometimes it has a lot of gay terminology and jokes! Go check out what Down Low means.

The night was just marvelous, but there were some hiccups. I won't disclose them here, you can ask Ammie what happened.

*****

Saturday was a lot of shopping, I did most of the walking and someone did most of the shopping. Haha. I am just too broke to shop. Keeping the money till Boxing Day! Bwahaahaha.

*****

Here comes today! Stay back for most of the day, before joining my aunt to her Mahjong Xmas Break-up Party. It is just a normal party with all of the mahjong people having a great dinner and endless amount of wine/champaynes.

But what so fascinating is, I MET HAMISH BLAKE!!!!! For those who has not heard of Hamish Blake, he is one of the comedian very well known in Australia. He is freaking funny but very down to earth kinda guy. If you want to know more, Google him out!

So we parked just outside Lentil As Anything, one of my favorite restaurants in Melbourne, in St Kilda, I saw this guy that parked at the side of the road. When he came out, I was thinking, he looked so much like Hamish Blake. When he walks towards us, I am so sure He IS Hamish Blake. I was pretty nervous, no chill running through my spine though. And this is what our short conversation went:

Me: (fractically) Are you Hamish?
Hamish himself: Yes!
Me: (speechless because I am just stunt and blurred)
Hamish himself: How are you going?
Me: (he actually asked me how m I going?) I am good! And yourself?
Hamish himself: Yeah I am good too.

And we went our own way. He probably want to grab some tea himself, before his car (MINI COOPER) be towed away. I am so speechless and happy because you rarely get to see any celebrities, let alone someone you really admire. He is the person who cheered my gloomy days and not so good days. If you want to know whether he is cute or not, look at the picture below. He is the one on the left.

I have thought of showing you guys some of his work. But being a computer idiot, I have no idea how to put Youtube up into blogspot. Will try to put my hand into it. So for now, you guys will have to go the link instead.....

Click here

I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm little lost. So every once in a while, I need to "woo!"

- Robin from How I Met Your Mother 4 x 08

Emotionless Puppet

Sometimes I think this couldn't be any worst, and then I was bombarded by even more bad news. I reckon this is the lowest of low. I am sick again....... But this time I am able to walk around, just that I will be coughing and sneezing here and there.

For the past few days, everyone was having a bad time. Either they are sick, ended their relationship, lost their job (retrenchment because of the idiotic global financial crisis), still unemployed, broke because they need to buy heaps of pressie for their friends and family, etc etc. Well, what I want to discuss today is not about me, I know I have been very pessimistic, but I will try to lift myself out of this. So one of my friend, the cutest couple (so I thought) just broke up because of long distant relationship. *You know who you are, but don't need to show everyone okay? And stop patting on my head, I just wax-ed my hair*

For most people, the girl or the guy will be crying like there is no tomorrow, and the person who called it break, might end up in a hell a lot of trouble (I have seen a lot of drama relationship, kinda hated that). But this is a totally cool one. AMAZING! No drama, So different, So Cool. Hahaha. I am not sure whether each of them are bottling their emotion up, closing it tight with their imaginary bottle cap. When I was talking to them, they SOUNDED so normal.

Then, it makes me think. Of course I will put my two cents worth because this is my blog after all. I am not just going to announce this for no reason. Whether is this good? You felt sad, but on the surface you looked like a rhinoceros, steady and calm. Is this even any good if you run amok crying like a baby seeking for attentions and begging the person to take you back?

Sometimes, people in the public just want to see everyone smiling and happily making their way to the shop for more endless shopping extravaganza. But this is not the case, so I felt. Maybe not to everyone else on earth with a watery eyes, at least to people you are comfortable with. Personally, I will show my sadness to those who are close to me. Then to me, I am another step closer to them, and hopefully they will be the same too.

Having said that, I am (most of the time) a puppet. I am someone who will not tell everyone what I am feeling. I tends to smile which is the best device to hide my sorrow and trouble catastrophe to people I barely know. Cause to me they don't need to see this, it might just freak them out. I will only out my emotion to people I am close! Is this the apathy route of an adult?

No one want to be an emotionless puppet, and I am not comfortable with hyper-emotive puppets. What do you think?

I am not sure whether should I keep this blog name as "Live Your Life to the Fullest" cause I felt like I am not living it to the fullest now. Maybe I am, maybe I am not, I am confused. We will see! Only time will tell and mend this open-wound

Untitled to Randomness

I was planning to complain about my day last Thursday, it was a terrible day. But I think I should not disclose it here. Cause over here it is full of negativity, and I am not a negative/pessimistic person (I hope I am not sometimes). Besides I have complaint that to fair amount of people (those that I seek for TLC). So I am all good now, and not going to think and throw any tantrum everywhere. I sometimes can act childishly but trying hard not to.

I learned a lot these days, even I am still looking for a job and not going anywhere. I think this is the phase of life where you learn about everything that's around you. Instead of looking for the cure for a certain disease or just getting the daily bread for the family. I felt like a sponge at this moment, standing in a crowded road with people walking aimlessly to places they are suppose to go, while I stood still and absorb their behavior, attitude and something so common yet hard to describe, Life. Life is an endless learning process, and you only notice this when you are standing still.

I am glad I chose this life or this route. Okay, I shall leave this entry here for now. I have heaps to talk about but I totally forgotten about them when I sign into blogspot. Argh. So if I can remember them, then I will talk on them next time. Now, Ancora Imparo, I am still learning (quoted from Monash motto, which is quite true!)

My Breath

Okay this is NOT, let me say it again if you can't read, NOT about my emotive feeling and my ramblings on my life which is not going well. I put it up because it has other meaning to that, I must clarify before everyone start complaining that I rant and ramble too much on unpredictable stuffs.

As you remembered from my previous entry, I finally have back my high speed internet! The new bill month today, and it is going well again! I was very annoyed for the last two weeks when the internet speed was cut to half because we over-indulged our internet quota. Yes, Australian being a very expensive place to live, have internet download usage quota. We were currently under 15Gb per month, and if we downloaded more than 15 Gb, our internet speed will reduced to half. Now that I know, I should probably watch less porn clips from the Youtube or something like that......

I come to realise that internet and its speed are my breath. I get very frustrated and annoyed when Google Map took at least 5 minutes to display the map that I wanted to know, and the address that I wanted to know. Worst is when I wanted to play with Street View, to view the particular street so that I know where to stop when I am directly on the street itself. It annoyed the hell out of me when I wanted to run anything everyday. Facebook is as slow as a snail, and I am not going to say anything about blogs.

Then there is this another thing. I just heard a song that actually took my breath away. It is called Breathless (not a pun) by Shayne Ward. Apparently I am so outdated that that song was out last year and I only noticed it now (almost one year ago)........ Is it me or that the Australian don't really listen to UK pop songs? So since I got back my high speed connection, I went and downloaded it! Has been playing nonstop on my laptop now. Bwhahahahaha.

I better go back to my resume writing and company researching.

Oh Dear Santa

This month we over-used our internet quota, too much porn, youtube and download (more porns). So everytime I wanted to check the map with GoogleMap, it tends to hang on me. I hate this...... Another 5 days, and then I get to use the internet in a good condition. More porn!!!!!!

Come to think of it, it is another 1 month before Xmas. Means it is time to buy more clothes and having slimmer chance of getting a job? I don't know. I just came back from the interview, it sounded positive. So I am quite keen about tomorrow, they said they will reply to me tomorrow.

Anyway this is the list of the stuffs I HOPE I will get from Santa (which is me) this year! Last year I got an IPod Classic and some clothes as present. This year I hope to get fully clothes!!!!!! Okay okay this is my short list!

• Windsor Smith/Lacoste/Shubar walking shoe (first in the list)
• Industrie/Stussy shorts
• Levi Jeans (skinny)
• Stussy/David & Goliath/Quicksilver tees
• wide range of Everlast sportwear, from singlets to gym shorts
• Sexist/Calvin Klein/Aussie Bum undies
• Aussie Bum/Speedo swimming trunk

If possible, I would love to have this

• hat
• D&G sunglass
• swimming goggle

Okay, it is not very long right. I am being practical here! hehehehehe. If anyone would love to give any of them as a present, I am more than happy to accept. Oh since you guys are eager to give me presents, why not something like:

• IPhone
• Car (the one that I can drive)
• Apartment? or the first deposit for an Apartment?
• Plasma TV? I really need one to watch my porn movies
• Money?

So any of the presents will be kindly accepted personally or by mail. Send your present to Lex to the address below, and attach your name, address and relationship to Lex, and you will be expected to get a Thank You Letter in 10 working days. Thank you to those who are kind, others please remind yourself how unfortunate other homosapien are and that you are not doing anything to help these homo.

72 Truman Street,
South Kingsville, VIC 3015

How to keep me smiling?

Be aware. Be very aware. Cause this guy is going to rant on rubbish and pessimistic stuffs again..... Well, you guys should be well warned by the title itself!









I don't think I should stay at home at any given day. First, I tend to become very desperate over the job hunting thingy and start thinking pessimistically (which is not good). Second, I will probably be sitting at home, in front of the computer, either cracking my head to write a "perfect" cover letter, later to beat myself up because they want me to use Flash Player to complete the application, which I don't know why my computer won't run it after I had downloaded the latest version (result: Arghhhhhhhh........, you probably won't know what I was talking about). Thirdly, needless for me to elaborate any longer?

Back to the first reason. I will become desperate even I had an interview with the employer, which I think I fit perfectly with them. But then this pessimistic bug that is sucking my optimism dry is not helping. I was told I will be given a response after a certain day. And with that bug and my lack of patience in everything, I just felt the urge to say " This is the knife, and this is my heard, take that and JUST STAB on it", as quoted by Karen from Will and Grace.

But when I was out, I will start to worry, thinking how much time I have missed out writing resume. And what if the employer called when I was pumping my muscle and stress out of me in the gym or in the shower with few hot blokes? I know I know, I am pathetic......... But I can't stop thinking.

I have a terrible life, and I hope there will be some light. It is so bleak (not the room I am sitting in) and I just can't seems to get out of this bleak place. I was watching Step Brothers. Gosh, they extremely hilarious yet wrong. How wrong? Two 40 years old BLOKES, acted as if they are 12 years old....... And I shan't spoil your excitement if you have not watch that. If not, you know my pains (not that I am acting like a kid, I am trying to get myself out of this shithole).

It always end with a Fat Lady singing

I was extremely excited the past three days! Saturday was the Hair-Cut day which I have longed for awhile, and I was thinking that it could be my shopping day (after 2 months of no-shopping rules became effective). Sunday was Ammie's (my beloved Mother who give birth to me when she is only 1 years old) birthday outing and Today is my interview, which I was hoping to get through! Okay I am not going to tell you guys what happened over those three days, I am just writing this because I was excited.

As I was saying, when I was out Saturday there was actually the Christmas Parade going on along Bourke Street Mall. I wasn't very keen to look at people dress-up like clowns and bears waving at us with kids at every corner shrieking for them and begging their mom for them to hug those ugly-looking-bear-people..... The whole street was chock-a-block with peoples and crying babies...... I will never stand there any longer than 10 minutes. But then, it is when it hits me. Christmas (or Xmas, as we called it here, cause none of us really care it is a birth of JC, so maybe it is the birth of X!) is just around the corner. One year have passed so quickly and 2008 will be gone by the time I post this entry. So not true!

Since I am not a Christian/Catholic, Xmas doesn't really matters to me. For your information, people from Western countries don't celebrate Xmas like Asian do. No late night party during Xmas Eve or morning shopping on Xmas. Just to make this clear, cause every friend of mine will always say that it is so nice to spend Xmas in Melbourne. So not true. People just bloody go back to their home and eat dinner. It is bloody summer over here as well..... 45 degree days, so not prepared for that......

Here comes my main proposition. After Xmas? BOXING DAY!!!!!! Yes, it is not the day people box each other, but it is time for people like us to SHOP. OMG, I wonder whether someone will get an shopping orgasm from this? It is when price is Cut Cut Cut, clothes were Cheap Cheap Cheap, and, boys and girls are Hot Hot Hot!

Upon saying these few words, I really need to get a job. So I can Shop Shop Shop! Ending my long shopping hiatus....... This year I really need to improve my skills and start the celebration as early as possible. Though, I won't be there standing next to a triple size lady in front of the Myers Supermarket. No, neither will I be seen sleeping in front of that door the day before.

Besides, I am desperate to move out of my aunt's place. Alright, before people start shooting me saying it is Free Accommodation and Free Meals, I am someone who liked his Freedom A LOT. So I need money (that's the conclusion). And the solution? I need to get a job, OR, start working as a Rent Boy. I am not sure I can break through into that market, since every gay guys are hotter than I am........ And to become as hot as them, I need modal which I am currently short of........

Feeling a bit chatty tonight. No idea why......

Openness

I reckon, eventually people will abandon their blog or their blog writing. Why so? Well, when one started working, there is less amount of time for you to relax, let alone write blog. Even when you have the time to write this, it is hard, cause you will be so knackered, the last thing you wanted to do is to write about your boring, lifeless life. But I suppose girls will have the ability to complain still, even when they are damn buggered with work.

I am not saying this because I got a job. I am still looking for one....... But there will be a few Q/A procedure coming soon, so I am not complaining. Yes, although blog is a good place for someone to release their stress, but some people just don't like to tell any particular, intimate complains that they have. But this doesn't mean they are not open enough to discuss this matters to everyone. He/she/I might not think it is appropriate to shout out and be gay about it. But that doesn't mean I am conservative and have not accepted that.

For the past 1 week, I was in the stage of self-realisation and self-acceptance. I actually need to thank this phase of life, where I finally get to know myself more and realise my true identity.

This is not the end of my route. It is just the beginning of my new identity. Eventually, when the time is right! If you are curious, ask me personally what the heck I am talking about. Other than that, I would leave it here.

Rollercoaster

I have been neglecting this blog again. I am just not in the mood to write anything, well I have complain enough. I should just stop penning them down and do something else. Besides when my parents were here, I was freaking busy chauffeuring them around Melbourne and Victoria. It was a very tired 2 weeks, but all is good! Cause I know when I started working, I definitely won't have the time to bring them around like now. So I should be grateful as well. Hahaha.

My mood these days are crazy. Probably because I was tired and jobless. Hahaha. Yup, but it is not like it is bad all the time. It fluctuates like Melbourne's weather. That could be another reason my mood is so bad. Hahaha. When I got connected to some other people through some stranger I barely know, she is one of the employer who rejected me, but showed me a possible way to break into the working doorstep. I believe that sometimes there will be a slight opening in the job hunting atmosphere, you just need to squeeze your finger to pried open that opening (Gosh sounded so wrong, pun indeed!).

And with more and more bad news, my mood tends to slumber back to the negativity. I hope I can set myself free from this. Just booked myself with the Victorian driving test. I hope that will be good, for your information, driving in Australia is very strict, so you can imagine what the test will be like..... Okay, back to more resume writing and studying for the stupid Learner Driving test.

Somewhere woop woop

(Woop Woop is an invented name for an unimportant town, from the moview Welcome to Woop Woop ,1997)

I reckon you guys might be a bit bored with my complains. Besides, to blame it all to my internet connection, it is really really bad... So I couldn't upload any pictures, even if I wanted to.....

Okay, just on a happy side, less rambles about unemployment and psychological behavior observatory studies, I went to Mount Dandenong last weekend with my usual bunch of mates. Hey, I do go out every weekend, I just don't see the point to take heaps of picture in Melbourne CBD, since I basically go to the CBD every other day. I do have a life, which I enjoy my days with mates......

Anyway back to Mount Dandenong. We planned to go there to celebrate one of my mates' mother birthday. Well, it might sound weird, but I don't mind joining and bring myself to the place where Scones and pancakes are to die for. For anyone who came from Victoria, they might tell you that Miss Marples's scones are the best. I couldn't not assure their statements because I have not tasted their scones......

Okay, this is how it goes, Miss Marples's tea room do not receive phone booking, and since we storm the lovely quiet town with 8 people, we are not sure how well can we get a bloody seat. So we went to another more presentable yet less populated and accept booking restaurant called Fortnum. But because of unforseen circumstances, we were terribly late, and were too full to have any of their scones.
This is the menu. I went with the "Today's special" instead.
Which is Cheesy potato pancakes with smoked salmon and capers. The pancakes weren't that good, compared to those in Lake Entrance floating restaurant, and it is way too creamy.... Oh and did I mention it is way too small and expensive for someone like me? A bloody $19.00 which I reckon I paied through the nose for that....
This is the lovely restaurant.
Then because we had too much foods, we went for a walk around the place, Sassafras.
Although it smells very nice, I just can't put them into it, cause I had the birthday cake.
That's Miss Marples, I will try to eat over there next time.
Okay, I will try to finish this entry with a very cute sign I saw when waiting for them to buy gelati. Dogs? no, HOT DOGS! hahaha.

driven to desperation?

Sometimes, I just have this feeling that I really want to go back to the outback. But now I am feeling I really want to stay in the metropolitan again. I don't know what I want now. Having headache, not because of this, but a real one.....

So does this behaviour of running away from the metropolitan to somewhere quieter and starry night means I am subconsciously driven to desperation? Am I that desperate to get a job, that I will just go after any jobs that come out offer? I know this come back to the debate saying "Beggars can't be choosers". So I did, I applied for any job that I think I am fit for the company, and any jobs that is offered in regional Victoria or Tassie.

If you are reading it right now, you might be saying this out loud" Blueh, you completed your Honours with a good grade, you have good contacts with the people outside, you have the experiences in that particular field, what more are you asking for?". I guess I should put it in the fish terminology. A fish might has a beautiful fin features, very nice scales, but it tends to sink to the bottom (no good resume), it will only be a small fry in the deep ocean with plenty more fishes. I realised that, and trying to swim up shore now!

Then, it just came to me. Am I also ready to live my life from the metropolitan? No good Asian foods or groceries, not much entertainment and not many gym options, not even a group of friends I can hang out with. I was telling myself it will be alright, cause I have stayed in Churchill before, for two freaking years, and I loved that outback. But what I has come to realise, after my aunt reminded me, that I have always go back to the metropolitan every month, to have my city-life fix. Will I be able to withstand this temptation, and will I die of boredom because I won't be able to go back to the metropolitan so often.

But when it comes to the end, the level of desperation is set by oneself, because the line of normal and desperation is so vague. If he/she thinks that by going with that particular option is up to the highest level of desperation, he/she probably might be. Or otherwise.

Bury the Pharaoh in his pyramid

My student visa finally expires today. So what am I suppose to do? Get kicked out from Australia? or hide in the bushing, living in a constant fear that the cops or worse rangers will come and track me down? Well, I will opt for the third choice, which allows me to stay in this beautiful place permanently! Yeah, permanent visa. DUH...... I am not a PR yet, I am holding a bridging visa for that!!!!! So I hope my bloody visa condition will change over the internet.

I guess I will always start something about myself before jumping into the pool of randomness. You might think that after such a hiatus, I might get a bloody job by now. However, the answer is the opposite. I am still writing my resumes, but I did not fish every single opportunity I can get. I am screening for jobs that I felt I am 'fit' to apply. No point to apply for jobs that they need any particular work experience which I do not have. Bad Idea? I don't know and don't care. Like I said before (if I am not mistaken), heaps of people have been telling me that I should do this and not that, while others went against that idea and suggesting the otherwise. I am just going to go my way. You don't like it? Too bad.

I just realised that I, being a normal human being, do have something that is regarded as bad, EGO. Everyone, especially the kings or pharaohs, has ego. Maybe the buddhist monk do not have, or they are not suppose to have. Don't tell me " I am a very innocent girl, that do not wish to have a lot of ego like what men do....". Bullshit! Even a girl have their own feminine ego. Ego is something dark, inaccessible part of our personal emotion, that we know very little off. Girls want to have all the branded stuffs because this makes them slightly feel better. In some sense, this can be regarded as ego.

I felt that I have ego because I was desperate to get a job, before I need to go back Malaysia to face a hordes of questioning-paracheets during my sister's wedding. I know for sure, Every Single Laughing Kookaburra Person will ask whether I have landed myself a job or not. The most common conversation will go like this:

Kookaburra A: Ah xiang ah. You have grown up so much. The last time I have seen you are when you were just a baby/little boy loh.
Mom: (She will definitely continue the conversation with something nice, while I just cant be bothered)
Kookaburra A: So what are you doing now ah? Studying university ah? Working ah?
Me: I just finished my degree from Australia.
Kookaburra B: Wah, so clever (ah, it is a must). So now working in Australia lah?

Yep, this is what I imagine what it is going to be....... So it is better to end the conversation by saying, "I am currently working in this or this place". That's why I hate going back to Malaysia. People keep on asking what are you currently doing, and amazed with just a tiny little thing that I felt normal. Of course, I like my hometown. But to go back to repeat myself about myself for hundred times is just not the top of my to-do-list.

So this is my little humble ego. What's yours? It is better to understand yourself and realise it, then you might live your life better than others who just lived their life in denial.

It is not an abandon puppy

I am suppose to write my cover letter for a job application to a research centre in Tasmania. I guess it will have to wait for awhile, after I finished writing this entry. Am I always nagging about job scouting these days? I think I better stop.....

I went back Gippsland last weekend with my few best friends, to meet up with a few more besties. That trip was the most relaxing and carefree trip I have ever done for the past few months. Yeah yeah, I just came back from my food-gorging trip from Penang, I shouldn't complain too much. But the thing about the food gorging trip is stressful in it own way. Stopping myself from devouring all the foods I can is very hard and stressful. Yes, I am bullshitting here!

Where was I? Oh, the trip back to Churchill. The weather was beautiful when we went back. Beautiful to some people, but way too hot for me.... I was down with weather-induced fever at the end of the day. Anyway, it was relaxing and all of us agreed that it felt like going back hometown for Chinese New Year. It was sunny and cloudless, just like the Malaysian weather during CNY. We had our doona and pillows at the back seat, something like most people will do when they went to visit their relatives for CNY, not me, but I can feel it.

But when we were back there, all we did most of the time was gossip, chat nonsense (which I played a big part) and watch PAID TV!!!! How much I missed cable/paid TV. For the first week of my new life without cable, I was pretty much stranded. Cause I do not have internet connection and paid Tv then, now it is getting better. I am going to fast-forward all the fun bits. Why? You probably won't be bothered to listen every single bit that we did over there. So no point for me to write them up.

When the day is about to end, we (the close one) sat together or standing in front of the toilet, chatting away on what are friends for. It was a long debate. People agreeing and disagreeing on certain aspect of true meaning of friends. I guess they are the best companions anyone can get, PROVIDED:

1. They do not judge you as a human being or a dog. Hey I am not saying anything over there. Who type that for me? I might have binomial disorder. Joking!
2. They understand what you are going through. No point telling them what turmoils you are facing through if they are well known for their blockhead-ness.
3. They do not think you belonged to them and solely them.
   
4. I think that's about it. No?
   

So other than that, man's best friends come into the picture perfectly! They enlighten your day easily unless they poo everywhere in the house, they listen and do not judge you. And you do not belong to them. They belong to you! How perfect can that be?

Disclaimer: The author was not paid by any parties (not even RSPCA) to advertise on canine and potentially igniting your urge to buy any canine.

A Bucket of Cold Water

Life in this phase of life is harsh.

You might be sad for a moment
Crushed for a moment
Lost for awhile
Happy and jumping the next.

I have been having nightmares these few days, some were terrific that I woke myself shouting, others were just too blue that I was crying in my dream. This is bad... Really bad.....

Maybe I should give myself a rest, someplace where I am not looking at the job advertisement website. Someplace where I can escape from all these mess. But I don't have money..... Where can I go to?

I just got an appointment for another interview today. This time is with the recruitment agency. My aunt was happy at first. But later on, when I wasn't noticing, she said something negative and somehow hurtful and something that reduced my confident tremendously. I don't understand why she wants to do that, some of the words she said were teachings but others were just a bucket of cold water.

Sometimes I wish I am staying on my own. Then I do not need to face these things all the time. But like I said, I do not have the money. I am totally down and not in the mood to apply for any jobs now. What is the use? I may ask. I need a change of luck.

I reckon I am no longer the happy self I once used to be. I need to find me back. The one who is happy not the stress-out guy who is typing this entry.

PS: Don't get me wrong. After what my aunt said, I will still go there and try to impress them so that they will give me a job even if they don't have one for me.

Reflex

Have you ever bid goodbye to someone but have some slightly more meaningful quotes like "Have a nice day" or "I hope you'll get well soon", something like that?

I can never do that or answer any of these questions. I am very bad with quick responses during conversation. I should say my responses are shocking. When I chat with some people who are kinda rushing to someplace or vise versa, I tend to blah out nonsense..... Instead of saying Sorry, I could say Thank You, or instead of saying You're alright, I could say I am sorry.

I think my brain is slightly slow in reaction for any of these quick activities. I can never think of anything good to say (sometimes), and when people wish me something well in the end, I will just throw in a worst ending phrase.

I just came out of the restaurant with my relatives, my uncle's cousin and the cousin's partner. We were all saying something in between and we bid each other farewell. Just before we went our own ways, this is what my uncle's cousin said to me.

S: I hope to see you next time, and hope that your PR application goes well.

What did I reply? I was slightly blurred for a second, and that's what I replied

Me: Will do.

Yes, this is all I replied. WILL DO? This is how well I react to quick conversation. I can never say anything good.

Of course when I banged to someone, I will know how to say sorry. Back to the conversation above, I was actually reacting to the first part of the conversation "Hope to see you next time", not the "PR application goes well". But I am sure I spoke loud enough for him to hear only "Will do". Then there are some things that I learned. I have a few tricks on my sleeve. Like "Sorry" and "It's alright" sounded almost the same if you speak in a very quick way.

So every time I banged to someone I will say "ssoh-rrai-". When people banged me, I will say "iss-soh-rait". Sounded almost the same huh?

From Scientist to Scientology

Finally I have all the time on my sleeve to play with my blog layout. I did not revamp the whole layout, just the front banner. Maybe I will change the banner again when I got the pictures of St. Kilda from Jocelyn. Yes, St. Kilda is my most favorite place to go. Well, I brought all my friends to that suburb and introduce them to the restaurant that I dear so much.

Back to my entry topic. Scientist and religion. Do they click together? Being a researcher myself, sometimes I wonder whether do God exist? Or they are just a mere figure of purity by mankind to fulfill their curiosity in all that seems dim to them?

The more I ventured into research, the more skeptical I am, maybe because I am curious most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God. However being a Buddhist, I believe God is in everyone. To reach Buddhahood, one needs to follow what the script said, yada yada yada ( I am not preaching over here). There is once I heard the funniest conversation I ever heard, and I sure to God (If there is any), I really looked down on that person after that. This is how it goes:

A: Do you know why there is global warming?
B: No
A: There is Global Warming because "GOD" is testing us human.
B: Really?
A: Yes of course. God is testing the will of human and our faith in him.

Okay, I can't remember how it ends. But I was neither A or B. I was a mere lister and I was laughing my heart out (quietly, didn't want to offend A). How can God "torture" humanity with global warming? From science, it is HUMAN who made this mess, not God....... Please don't be offended if you see "GOD", the first thing you think is Jesus Christ. It is not, so you guys can stop writing on the comment firing offensive remarks on me.

I think I used to think there is a God, someone who looked after you when you sleep? Now? I don't really think so. I don't even know where is Heaven (almost all religions have a Heaven and Hell). Above the clouds are some layers of nothing but charges. Below the ground that you and me are standing are a few layers or thick rocks and magma.

But of course every religions are teaching us to be good and pure. Where is a religion that say hurting others are good? War is the way to reach purity? This is why I still believe in my religion. Of course I won't further believe that someone will be waken from dead or someone who can elevate yourself from ground. Give me a true documentary or I will have to see it in my own eyes to believe that these are true. Like I said, scientist and research are all based on facts, not sentences from any old book or conversation from someone.

Speaking of skeptical, I am very skeptic with the Church of Scientology. How can some none scientist come up with this hullabaloo teachings? Believing in alien exist in some form and have something to do with existance of human..... I wonder are there any scientist who is a follower of Scientology.

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disclaimer: This controversy entry is a two cent worth from the author. It is not trying to penalise or impose something unpleasent to any parties.

From Beggars to Choosers

Everyone will experience this phase of life. Where sometimes you feel like you are lost, could not find a way out in a crowded room or train carriages. You felt like you have lost the purpose of your life. But those who dwelt long enough in this realm, will soon realise it and start to accept it.

Yup, I am speaking of unemployment. This terminology is very misleading. So to be clear, the unemployment I said meant anyone who is no longer under the shadow of an university and those who has no permanent job. Yes, those who is under casual work and is currently looking for something better is also regarded as "unemployed". But of course those who are happily working casually or working casually because of the family purposes are not included.

Like I said, this phase is very stressful, even more so than when you are employed. People constantly asking you, scrutinizing you, on matters about jobs and employment. I reckon it is easier over here, where people are more understanding. I am not so sure when you are in countries like Malaysia, where people's wages are what set them apart from one another. Sometimes when you are that stressed out, one will turn against another cause lack of understanding. Thank god I have friends who understands and who were in this situation before/still. Yes, sadly most of my friends are in this situation like me.

Rejections after another, this is not depressing enough? But as quoted by someone, "sooner or later, you will be so thick-skinned that you won't give a damn on it anymore". "No more feeling!". I just came back from an interview for a part time job, somewhere in Mitcham. If I do get the job, it won't be something I will bounce like a monkey, doing monkey dance (if there is any). Cause first of all, it is 1 and half hour travel from my home to Mitcham. Secondly it is into strategic analysing and researching. Something that I am not particularly intrested in, although I have enough experiences. However, I will still take up the job. A job is still a job after all.

Then there is this phone call from a recruitment agency. Asking about my qualifications and experiences. All sounded very promising, but I am not very sure how still the pond water can be. There might be a croc hiding underneath. Why so? Storys about their arrangements and actions may not be that pleasant to hear. Suddenly I am no longer a begger? I started to choose. My aunt said I can be chooser because I have God with me, but, do I? (I will speak more about this the next entry). But am I a chooser after all? Of course, everyone will like to be a chooser than beggars, but how long can we choose before we need to beg?

How long do we need to hunt for this whitehorse before we could sit on its saddle comfortably? How long do we need to stand aimlessly in the hordes of people buzzing around Flinders Street Station? How long do we need to sit in front of our laptop, refreshing Seek.com.au for the immediate job vacancies? How long I wonder.